The Shining
by Siko Kudou
Summary: Crawford, Schu and Nagi have to spend the winter in a secluded hotel...
1. Prolouge to insanity...

Um, here I am, this time screwing with the genius of Steven King's greatest book and Stanley Kubrick's (bows) masterpiece…r+r please!

(Crawford, Schu and Nagi are driving along a mountain toward a big hotel off in the distance. Schu is driving and Crawford sits in the passenger seat wearing a black wig with French braids. Nagi is in the backseat wearing a Mickey Mouse sweater and red tennis shoes*like Omi's!*)

Crawford and Nagi: *deadpan* Siko is dead…

Schu: Remind me once again *why* Takatori gave us this little vacation?

Crawford: Well, um, we're care taking for that hotel he just bought for himself…during the winter it's closed and everything…

Schu: Hm, Nagi needs to get out of the apartment anyway…it's not doing him any good to not socialize with any other kids. This trip could be good for him!

Crawford: Schuldig, we're going to a resort in a secluded wooded area of Colorado for the whole winter. Do you really think that could be good for Nagi's social life?  

Schu: *Now* who's opposed to going?

Crawford: *crosses arms*

(the car pulls up to the hotel and the…"family" gets out. The hotel is huge and it looks like it's a hundred years old or so)

Schu: *whistles* Damn…I think we made out pretty nice with this…

Crawford: A whole hotel to ourselves alllllll winter…

Schu: (giggles) I've got some ideas of how to pass all that time, too.

Nagi: Oh, give me a break…

(Manx walks over to them and waves)

Manx: Hello, gentlemen, are you the new winter caretakers? 

Schu: (grins) Yup, that's us!

Manx: Damn, I'm glad I'm not in your position…

Crawford: What?

Manx: Ahem, I'll be showing you around. Please follow me…

Crawford: Exactly what is the history of this hotel?

Manx: Well, it was built about a century ago on an Indian burial ground.

Schu: Um, isn't that kind of disrespectful to do?

Manx: Yes, which is why their angered ghosts still haunt the hotel grounds to drive the caretakers crazy and make them murder their families. 

Schu and Crawford: What?!

Manx: Um, I didn't say anything. Why don't I show you to the ballroom?

(meanwhile, Nagi is walking around by himself in the kitchen. He is approached by Ken, who is wearing a chef's apron that says 'kiss the cook')

Ken: Hello, little boy…

Nagi: Um, my 'mom' and 'dad' say I shouldn't talk to child molesters.

Ken: How did you know about tha-uh, I mean, Nagi, you have a very special gift…

Nagi: *just stands there, staring blankly*

Ken: …aren't you going to ask how I knew your name?

Nagi: No.

Ken: Well, Nagi, you have…the shining!

Nagi: I don't really care. 

Ken: ….

Nagi: ….

Ken: *bursts into tears* You're no fun! *runs away to find children to play soccer with*

Nagi: *sighs and walks off to find Schu and Crawford*

(Crawford, Schu and Manx stand in the ballroom at the bar)

Schu: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO ALCOHOL?!

Manx: We're not giving you free booze!

Schu: *cries* Why, why?!

Crawford: *sighs* Why did you do this to him? Do you realize I'll be hearing about this until freaking March now?!

Schu: My…JAGERMEISTER! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


	2. December 17th

DECEMBER 17 th

(Crawford and Nagi are walking through the big maze in front of the hotel)

Crawford: *wheezes* Too…tired…can't…go on…must…stop…

Nagi: Come on, 'mom', we're almost out…

Crawford: Call me that one more time and I'll gouge your eyes out.

(meanwhile, Schu is inside, bouncing a tennis ball around)

Schu: Ooh, it's so pretty and yellow! *the ball hits him in the face* OW! STUPID BALL! *pulls out his gun and shoots it* Hmph…*runs his fingers through his hair*

(in the maze Crawford has fainted)

Nagi: Useless old man…

Crawford: I heard that!

Nagi: *sighs and levitates Crawford out and drops him outside on the sidewalk. The sound of breaking bones can be heard*

Crawford: Owww… 


	3. January 1st

JANUARY 1st

(Nagi is riding his bike through the halls)

Nagi: Goddammit, I'm 15, why the hell am I riding on a pink tricycle that's 2 times too small for me?

(he suddenly stops when he sees Omi at the end of the hall, wearing a skimpy blue dress and knee high)

Nagi: (eyes wide)

Omi: Come play with me, Nagi…

Nagi: *grins* Sure thing…*jumps off the tricycle and starts running toward him*

(Omi is suddenly in bloody pieces on the floor)

Nagi: *slowly backs away* Uhhh, that can't be good…*tries to get on his bike, but it breaks under him* …dammit.


	4. January 15th

JANUARY 15 th

(Schu is madly typing something on his typewriter inside his office)

Schu: Gah, my boredom has reduced me to *writing*! Stupid house…

JANUARY 21 st 

(Nagi is playing with his toy cars in the living room as Crawford watches tv)

TV: Come knock on our door…

Crawford: *sings* We've been waiting for you… 

Nagi: Mom…

Crawford: *glares* You interrupted my song! THREE'S COMPANY TOOOOOOOOO! 

Nagi: I have to get my fire truck from you and dad's bedroom where it was so 'conveniently' placed…

Crawford: Can't you wait until your father wakes up?

Nagi: I WANT MY FUCKING FIRE TRUCK!

Crawford: Fine, go get hacked to death by your slowly maddening father and see if I care…

Nagi: *glares and runs off to get his truck. Crawford crosses his arms and turns back to the tv* Oh, John Ritter, you are a god…

(meanwhile, Nagi has snuck into Crawford and Schu's bedroom. He grabs his truck and is almost out the door when he sees that Schu is awake and staring at him. His hair is disheveled and it's obvious he hasn't been shaving because he seems to be growing a beard)

Nagi: (stares back) Ummm…yes? Is there a problem?

Schu: Hey there, Nagi…

Nagi: What is it?

Schu: Why don't you come over here and sit on my lap?

Nagi: The last time you did that-

Schu: Shhhhhhh!!! Do you want me to be reported?!

Nagi: Ye-

Schu: Of course not! Now…you know that I would *nevereverevereverevernevernevernevernevereverevereverevernevereverneverneverevereverevernever* do anything to hurt you and your mother…much…right?

Nagi: *blinks*

Schu: *starts crying* Because I love you so much…

Nagi: OMIGOD!!! He really has cracked! *runs out*

Schu: Wait! Come give daddy a kissy-kiss!


	5. January 20th

(Schu wanders into the ballroom and sits down at the bar, head in hands)

Schu: Dammit, first Takatori has us care taking this stupid hotel, then they take away my alcohol and now I tell Nagi I love him? What the hell is wrong with me?! (lays his head down) What I wouldn't give for a Jagermeister right now…or a Corona…hell, even a Zima!

Voice: That can be arranged, Mr. Schuldig. 

Schu: Eh? (looks up to see Yohji standing behind the bar. The bar is lit up and the shelves are now filled with alcohol and glasses. Yohji is wearing a bartender's outfit and wiping down the bar) Ummm…I already said I'd stopped smoking crack!

Yohji: What can I get you, Mr. Schuldig?

Schu: …is it just me, or is it odd that just a minute ago I was sitting all alone at this empty bar and now it's filled with booze and there's a total babe of a bartender asking me what I want? (sits there and ponders for a moment) Alright, Schu, you just don't question these kind of things…give me a Jagermeister, on the double!

Yohji: Yes, sir!

(2 hours later…)

Schu: (swaying around and leaning over the bar to get closer to Yohji) So then…*hiccups* I says to the guy…I says…'hey, buddy, how's the weather in Madagascar?' Hahahahahahaha! (falls all over himself cackling)

Yohji: (blinks) Um, very good, sir.

Schu: You know, Yohji, you were alllllllllways my most favororitest favorite….

Yohji: Maybe you've had enough, Mr. Schuldig…

Schu: Baby, call me Schu…(winks)

Yohji: Alright…Schu. But we need to get down to business.

Schu: (raises eyebrows) You don't waste a second, do you? (grins) That's okay, we can skip the foreplay… (reaches out to grab him, but Yohji ducks and all Schu grabs is air) Hey!

Yohji: Not *that* kind of business…not yet anyway.

Schu: Well, hurry it up then! I don't have *time* for this! I still have to get in 3 hours of slowly but surely losing my mind…the rest is devoted to Mr. Potato Head!

Yohji: …right. But I need to talk to you about your wife and son.

Schu: Them? Oh, don't mind Crawford, he's had that stick up his ass since I met him and Nagi…*leans in* between you and me, I think that kid is beyond help…

From the entrance: SCHULDIG!

Schu: Wha???!!!! (falls off his stool)

(Crawford comes running over, looking like he's out of breath. Schu looks up at the bar to see that Yohji, the glasses and the alcohol are gone)

Crawford: Some crazy woman in a bathtub attacked Nagi!

Schu: What the hell are you talking about?! I thought I told you not to eat those little white pills anymore!

Crawford: Dammit, I want you to go check room 254525343!

Schu: *crosses his arms* I'm not wasting my time like that…the little jerk was probably lying…

Crawford: (glareofdeath) If you don't go…I'M TAKING AWAY THE PLAYBOY CHANNEL!

Schu: …goddamn you. Fine, I'll go to your stupid room…but I'm not going to find anything! *stomps away*

Crawford: *crosses arms and grins* Oh, yeah, I've got him whipped…

(Schu drags himself to room 254525343 to find that the door is…AJAR! *many gasps* He rolls his eyes and pushes it open to step inside and find that the bathroom light is on and the sound of running water can be heard)

Schu: Hm, looks like *someone* doesn't care about conserving water…(enters the bathroom. Inside there is a bathtub with a shower curtain pulled around it and someone's silhouette showing through it) Um, hello? Housekeeping? (the curtain slowly pulls back to reveal…*drumroll* NEKKID AYA! *fangirls: (swoon and faint)*

Aya: If you're not buying anything get out-(looks up) uh, I mean, hey there, baby.

Schu: *grins* I have no idea why these foxes keep appearing, but hell if I'm not gonna take advantage of it! (goes over and grabs Aya from the tub and starts making out with him)  

Aya: Schu, you're such a god…

Schu: Less talk, more tongue.

Aya: (voice very slowly changing…)Ohhhh, Schu. Take me, Schu…

Schu: Heh heh, you need not ask! (shoves his tongue down his throat)

Aya: *moans*

Schu: …wait a minute. Why did your voice change? And why does it suddenly smell like old people and tuna fish?! (looks in the mirror to see that it's not Aya he's making out with, it's really…) AHHHHH!!!!! (…TAKATORI!) OMIGOD, GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!

Takatori: Come on, Schuldig. I'll give you a raise! Now give daddy some sugar…

Schu: *blood curdling scream, runs out leaving Takatori standing there, grinning*

Takatori: Heh, I like it when they play hard-to-get…come back soon, honey buns!


	6. January 24th

(Crawford and Nagi sit watching the weather on tv)

Meteorologist: …and this is the biggest storm to hit Colorado for 20 years!

Crawford: Pft,  figures…

Meteorologist: So if you've got a German telepath named Schuldig in your secluded hotel with you, put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye because you're going to be hacked to pieces!

Nagi: *pales*

Crawford: This is boring. Let's watch something else. *turns the channel and does the happy dance* Yay, it's Bonanza! *hums along with the music*

Nagi: …we're going to die.

(in another part of the hotel, Schu has wandered to the ballroom because he hears noise coming from it. He opens the door to find that it's full of people dancing and socializing and such. Yohji is standing behind the bar, serving drinks and flirting with every living thing in the room)

Schu: …oooookay then…(struts over to the bar and sits himself down) Yohji, my man, the usual.

Yohji: Very good, sir!

Schu: I told you to call me Schu! If you don't…there will be DIRE consequences!

Yohji: What the hell are you gonna do to me? I'm a ghost for crying out loud!

Schu: ….(ponders for about half an hour) …who you gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS!

Yohji: *hand to head*

(suddenly someone bumps into Schu, spilling drinks all over his clothes)

Schu: Hey, watch where you're going! (glares at the guy who bumped into him, who just happens to be our favorite one-eyed Irish psychopath…)

Farfello: Heh heh, that made God cry…er, why don't you follow me to the bathroom so we can clean this up?

Schu: *raises eyebrows* Sounds like a plan…*if* you know what I mean. *nudgenudgewinkwink*

Farfello: *rolls eyes and pulls him into the bathroom*

Schu: So, what do they call you around here, baby?

Farfello: *wiping off Schu's coat* Farfello…

Schu: (thinks about this) Don't I know you from somewhere?

Farfello: Uh, I don't think so.

Schu: (thinks about it more, then chuckles to himself) Farfello, you were the caretaker here once…

Farfello: (blinks) What are you talking about?

Schu: (laughs even more) Yeah, you were the caretaker here…you chopped 2 pretty boys up into little bits then blew your brains out…

Farfello: *giggles* Yeah, God really bled then-I mean, I have no recollection of that. You've always been the caretaker here.

Schu: Eh?

Farfello: Yah, you've always been the caretaker and I should know because I've always been here.

Schu: Ow…brain hurts…

Farfello: Mr. Schuldig, we have a problem that needs to be tended to…it has to do with your family…

Schu: Huh? Oh yeah, Yohji was bitching about this the other day…I mean, they're annoying and everything, but not so much that I'd *kill* them!

Farfello: I didn't tell you to do that.

Schu: *sweatdrop*

Farfello: But now that you mention it…Mr. Schuldig, your family is plotting against you. They want to take away your Jagermeister.

Schu: M-my Jagermeister?!

Farfello: *And* your Playboy channel…

Schu: What kind of sick…

Farfello: Mr.Schuldig, I think they need a good talking to, if you don't mind my saying…maybe a little bit more.

Schu: *raises eyebrows*

Farfello: And did you know that little Nagi is trying to bring an outside party into the situation?

Schu: Oh?

Farfello: An idiot.

Schu: An idiot?

Farfello: An idiot soccer player/child molester/cook.

Nagi: (from somewhere) Ahhh, no I'm not!

Um, here's what helped me without being able to see the movie again(despite the fact that I've seen it 500,000, 000, 000, 000 times)    http://blake.prohosting.com/awsm/script/shining.html


	7. January 25th

(Nagi picks up the phone and dials Ken's number*how he got…I don't feel like thinking of*

Ken: *trying pathetically to sound like a little kid* Hello, and welcome to Boy Talk. Only $29.95 per minute to talk to young, virginal 10 year olds that are hot and ready for you…

Nagi: *gapes*

Ken: …um, are you there? *giggles* You're shy aren't you?

Nagi: I was going to tell you that my father's going insane and is getting ready to cut us off from all communication so he can brutally murder us…but now I really don't think I want your help.

Ken: *gasps* Oh no, Nagi! Don't worry, I'll rescue you!

Nagi: NO! No, you just stay there, it's really, really, *really* alright!

Ken: Hold on, Nagi, I'm coming for you! *hangs up*

Nagi: *repeatedly hits himself in the head with the phone* 


	8. January 27th: Part 1

(Crawford creeps down to Schu's 'office' holding a baseball bat)

Crawford: I know he's got my new issue of 'Cold, Heartless Bastard' magazine down here…(he looks through piles off things on Schu's desk, but finds nothing.) Daamn, he's good…(eyes flit over to the typewriter) Hm, let's see what new yaoi fic our dear Schuldig is writing…(leans over to read it, but he stares odd at what he sees) Whaaaaaa? (on the paper all it says is 'Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake your booty, shake your booty' repeatedly) What the hell?! (looks at a stack of papers next to it and sees that they all say the same thing) God, maybe he really is going crazy!

From behind Crawford: Do you like it, Brad?

Crawford: AHHH! *turns around to see Schu standing there, grinning. He's got the beard goin' on, his clothes are all screwed up and his hair doesn't look like it's been brushed for weeks* Schuldig!

Schu: So, how do you like it?

Crawford: It's …very K.C. and the Sunshine Band…

Schu: *blinks, then advances on Crawford* What are you doing here?

Crawford: *backs away, holding the bat* I…uhhhhh…wanted to talk…

Schu: Uh-huh and what about?

Crawford: About…Nagi.

Schu: Alright, let's talk about Nagi. Let's talk about what should be done with him. What do you, Bradley, think should be done with him, hm?

Crawford: I think we should…get him ritalin.

Schu: Are we talking about the same Nagi?

Crawford: Scratch that last suggestion.

Schu: And are you worried about me?

Crawford: No, not really.

Schu: *pouts, then advances menacingly* Have you ever once thought about *my* needs? 

Crawford: *backs away toward the stairs, brandishing the bat* I really don't want to have to damage your face with this, but I will if you bring me to it!

Schu: *still advancing* Have you ever once thought about *my* responsibilities to caretaking this hotel?

Crawford: *backing up the stairs swinging the bat* Get back, dammit!

Schu: Have you ever once thought about how I cannot perform my hotel caretaking duties without my Jagermeister and the Playboy channel?! *reaches out to grab him*

Crawford: Do not touch me!

Schu: Why is that?

Crawford: Because you haven't bathed in 2 months!

Schu: *tries to grab him again*

Crawford: AHHH, DON'T KILL ME! (since when did Crawford start acting like a whiny little girl? ^_^;;)

Schu: Brad, honey, baby, sweetie pie, I'm not going to kill you…I'm just going to bash your brains in…then molest you…

Crawford: Stay the hell away from him me! *swings bat*

Schu: *ducks* Brad, give me the bat…

Crawford: No!

Schu: *getting closer* Give me the bat…

Crawford: *hits him over the head with it*

Schu: OW! *falls down the stairs and Crawford follows him, repeatedly whacking him with the bat, even after he's lost consciousness*


	9. January 27th: Part 2

(Ken is riding on a plane, reading 16 magazine.)

Ken: (looks at his watch, then waves at a passing stewardess) Excuse me, miss Stewardess lady?

Stewardess: Yes, sir?

Ken: How long until we arrive in Denver?

Stewardess: About 20 minutes, sir.

Ken: Ah, good! Because I have to rescue a very pretty little boy named Nagi so that he'll…repay me in a certain way *if* ya know what I mean…*grins*

Stewardess: *eyes widen, she backs away*

Ken: *still grinning…*

(at the hotel…)

(Crawford has dragged a still unconscious and very beat-up Schu into the kitchen and into the pantry)

Crawford: *lets him go and leans over panting* Hell, how much do you weigh? *nudges him onto his stomach with his foot*

Schu: *reaches out and grabs Crawford's ankle*

Crawford: Ah, I thought you fainted! 

Schu: *slurred* Are you calling me faaaaaaaaaaaat???? Oh, I'll get yoooooooooouuuuu…

Crawford: *kicks him in the head*

Schu: Don't make me come up there, Sarah Plain and Tall!

Crawford: O.o *kicks his hand off and walks out, locking the door*

Schu: No, wait! Brad, don't leave me here! *gets up and starts banging on the door* I'm sorry I tried to kill you!

Crawford: Likely…

Schu: *'cries* Precious, I think you hurt me really bad…

Crawford: *smirks*

Schu: Listen, Brad, just let me out of here and we'll pretend this never happened…

Crawford: Kiss my ass!

Schu: Oh, that's it! *starts kicking the door like hell* LET ME OUT NOW, OR I SWEAR THAT WHEN I'M IN A MORE…BETTER STATE OF MIND, I'LL SEND YOU A MENTAL BLAST THAT YOU WON'T FORGET!

Crawford: *walking away* Bye, Schu…

Schu: Bastard! *kicks the door and stubs his toe* OW! SON OF A BITCH! *sits down, pulls off his shoes and huggles his foot, then looks up and grins* Hey, Brad, you've got a big surprise coming to you…go check out the phone lines…

Crawford: No.

Schu: *glares* No, you have to! See, I cut them off, so that you can't communicate with civilization.

Crawford: …and?

Schu: …and…stuff…DAMMIT!

(3 hours later…)

(Schu is sleeping on a bunch of sacks of food)

Schu: *snores loudly*

(knock on door)

Schu: *eyes pop open and he yawns* Brad? Did you come back to apologize to me, hm? *quietly laughs to himself* Sucker…*sees a bag of lollipops on the floor* Ooh, yummy! *dumps the bag in his mouth, wrappers and all* Oh, yeah, so good…

Farfello's voice: Mr. Schuldig, you've failed your mission.

Schu: …Farfie? Hey, baby! Care to join me in here? *winks at him, oblivious to the fact that they're separated by a big ass wall*

Farfello: *sighs* I'm beginning to think that you really are incompetent. 

Schu: Ah, quit your bitching, I'll kill them after I finish playing with Mr. Potato Head. You're very welcome to join me if you like…now where did my tennis ball go?

Farfello: Well, that's fine. Just kiss your Jagermeister goodbye…

Schu: *jumps up and stares at a can of beets* I'm sorry, Mr. Potato Head, I have some business to take care of…*picks up the can and kisses is, then cradles it in his arms* But afterwards we'll have allllllll the time in the world…

Farfello: *hand to head*


	10. January 27th: Part 3

(Crawford is sleeping in his room, while Nagi just sits on the bed, looking not quite himself…)

Nagi: (in a weird voice not his own) …redrum…redrum…redrum…(goes over to the dresser and finds Crawford's lipstick *grin* and slowly advances to the door) …redrum, redrum, redrum, redrum, redrum…(in childish, crooked letters, writes 'redrum' on the door in the lipstick before moving to the bedside and staring at Crawford) redrum, redrum, redrum, redrum…

Crawford: *snores loudly*

Nagi: *pouts* REDRUM! REDRUM! REDRUM! REDRUM!

Crawford: *eyes open* Ehhhh???

Nagi: Redrum, redrum, redrum, redrum…

Crawford: Did you say rum? Oh, yeah, I could go for some rum right now…*eyes glaze over, he drools)

Nagi: *rolls his eyes and points to the mirror*

Crawford: (stares into it and smiles) Yeah, I am a sexy bitch, aren't I? (starts vouging and Nagi growls, pointing behind him to the words on the door that backward spell…MURDER! *gasp*) …the hell? Nagi, I know you're a teenager, but those big yellow pills are too dangerous to be experimenting with!

(suddenly an axe comes through the door)

Crawford and Nagi: AHHHHHHH!!!!! *Crawford runs to the bathroom dragging Nagi along and locks the door*

Schu: *walks into the room with the axe, grinning maniacally* Crawford…Nagi…where are yoooooou?

(in the bathroom, Crawford has opened up the little window and is trying to coax Nagi out)

Crawford: *whispering* Just go!

Nagi: Not without you!

Crawford: Please, Nagi, save yourself!

Nagi: Okay. *jumps out*

Crawford: You little bastard, you were supposed to stay here! Aw, crap…*tries to get through the window but finds that he's too big* Damn it all to hell! Stupid Burger King and their tempting deep fried goodness…*eyes glaze over, drools once again* Mmmmm, deep fried…

Schu: (outside the door, leans against it) Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in…

Crawford: I don't look like a pig, you do!

Schu: *gasps* You're calling me fat again! That does it! *starts breaking down the door with the axe*

Crawford: *screams like a girl*

Schu: *chops*

Crawford: *screams like a girl*

Schu: *chops*

Crawford: *screams like a girl*

Schu: *chops*

Crawford: *screams like a girl*

Schu: My god, shut the hell up! *finally creates a hole and pokes his head in, smiling at Crawford* Herrrrrrrrre's SchuSchu! *reaches his hand inside and struggles to find the knob*

Crawford: *looks around frantically for a weapon, but finding none, takes off one of his high-heeled shoes *^_^* and starts beating Schu's hand with it*

Schu: Ack! *nurses his bleeding hand* You bitch, you'll pay for this! *suddenly stops when he hears someone in the main entrance…*

(in the main entrance, Ken has just gotten in and is wandering around)

Ken: Hello? Helllllllo? Nagi, it's your night in shining armor! 

~*~

Schu: *groans and grabs his axe before smirking at the bathroom door* I'll be back for you later…*trots out humming the Smurfs theme song* 

(meanwhile, Nagi has realized that he can't just leave…)

Nagi: *running back inside* My Fire truck is still inside! 

~*~

Ken: *pouts* Damn…the lube was cherry flavored, too. 

Schu: *runs out of nowhere, brandishing the axe and screaming like a maniac* DIE, BITCH!

Ken: Could you tell me where Nagi is-AGGGGHHHH!! *now has the axe in his back* Ouch. That's gonna hurt in the morning…*falls over*

Schu: *sadistic laughter, grabs the axe back up*

Nagi: *who has been watching this from around the corner, gapes and rushes into the big-ass kitchen*

Schu: *head perks up when he hear his footsteps* Oh, Nagi…*starts running to the kitchen*

Nagi: *skids to a stop and hides in a cabinet*

~*~

(meanwhile, upstairs Crawford has escaped the clutches of the bathroom and is now rushing toward the elevator. He stops when he gets there to see the doors open and a wave of blood come spilling out)

Crawford: *backs away* I'm glad this isn't my carpet. *rushes away toward the stairs*

~*~

(Nagi holds his breath as he hears Schu pass and as soon as his footsteps fade, he jumps out and rushes into the entrance hall. Schu hears and growls before advancing after him, glaring)

Schu: Don't run from me, Nagi! I'm your "father", remember?!

Nagi: *shudders*

~*~

(Crawford is running down the stairs when he stops in front of a room where…BOB BARKER AND GEORGE BURNS ARE STANDING!)

Crawford: *eyes wide, backs away*

George Burns: *winks* 

Bob Barker: *grins* Come onnnnn dowwwwwn, Crawford!

Crawford: *blood curdling scream, runs away*

~*~

(meanwhile, like an idiot, Nagi runs into the maze, Schu following in close pursuit)

Schu: You'll just die tired if you run, Nagi!

Nagi: …wait a minute, screw this. *levitates himself out*

Schu: *still looking for him, panting* Where did you go?! Oh, I'll get you! I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU, YOU LITTLE BASTARD! YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!

Nagi: *walking back inside* Idiot…

~*~

(Crawford comes upon Ken and kicks him)

Ken: *miraculously awakens!* Huh? Hey, my back feels kind of wet…

Crawford: Ewww…

(Nagi walks over)

Nagi: I called a cab. They'll be here in 15 minutes.

Crawford: Let's go have the cherry pie while we wait!

Nagi: Yay! *he and Crawford walk to the kitchen, ignoring the blood soaked carpet*

Ken: *all Towlie-style* Alriiight! *staggers up and falls over* Ohhhh…I wanted some pie…

~*~

Schu: *still running around the maze* I can smell you, Nagi, I can smell you! You're close! Why don't you just succumb to death?! Ah-ha, I saw you!  

O.o I scare myself…


End file.
